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When Your Good Just Isn't Good Enough.

Tuesday, 5 January 2016
  did, the best, and you image
I haven't planned this post in the slightest. Not even a little bit. I didn't take notes to remind me of things I want to say, which I usually do because i'm horrific at remembering things.

I just feel like I have a huge weight on my chest. A feeling i'm sure we are all too familiar with. Not feeling good enough. Ever.

I'm usually a really optimistic person, my glass is always half full and I try to always see the best in every situation. Sometimes however, that all fades away. I begin to doubt everything that I am, try to be and want to be.

I have so many dreams and ambitions but I never feel like i'll succeed and push them all to the back of my mind, the only thing i'm thinking is "it's better to not have tried, than be rejected and fail."

How silly is that?! If someone I knew came to me with that, i'd tell them to stop being so stupid! At least you can say you tried and keep trying! How is that I can do that for someone else, yet not for myself? 

I am my own worst critic and enemy.

I always see the worst in myself, my hair is too frizzy, my eyebrows don't have the perfect arch, I don't have a flat stomach, I hate my thighs, I have teenage skin.. 

I promised this year that I would be kinder to myself, and i'm really trying. I also said 2016 is the year for positive thinking and i'm getting there!

Blogging is amazing, i've met the most incredible people, leading to me finding one of my closest friends, Rachel (if you are reading this..) I love ya, I do!
There's still this niggling thought in the back of my mind, reading other blogs, that screams jealousy. You see bloggers travelling to far ends of the earth, because of their blog. Receiving the latest products because of their blog..I don't get it?! I support these people so much and they deserve every opportunity that comes their way. I just can't help but think 'what about me?'.

My blog isn't good enough, my writing isn't good enough, my pictures aren't good enough? Maybe I should write what everyone else is writing? Maybe I should make my blog more like theirs? 

But that wouldn't make me happy either, if people will only follow my blog for being like other people, that would only upset me more. It's all about acceptance, and I want to be accepted for being me and not faking it.

Being yourself in this huge blogging bubble is so damn hard. You feel like you need to fit in somewhere or you'll get lost in this endless pit of blogs. It's not about having a huge amount of followers *hell no*, it is again, about being accepted into this world and appreciated for your content and thoughts/ideas/creativity. 

A lot of my *real life* friends don't know about my blog. I like to think it's my own little world and I can escape here. 

I'm currently trying to find my place, that appreciates my best. With my family & friends. I am so fortunate to have such amazing people in my life. I need to learn to not only appreciate them more, but to learn that they do see the best in me. All the time. They never make me feel like i've failed.

Anxiety has taken over my life the past few weeks, to the point where i'm struggling to get through meals. I can't sit at a table with my own family, without feeling trapped by the strangers around me. I hate it. I  have just started seeing someone about my anxiety, and it is getting easier, however I couldn't see them over Christmas and I feel like i've taken two steps back.

I need to take a deep breathe and think, how lucky I am. I have a roof over my head, a full time job, a gorgeous fiancé who shows me nothing but love, a family who always put a smile on my face and the best of friends who know me sometimes better than I know myself.

It's time I took back control of my thoughts and put things into perspective. I can be good enough. I just need to give myself the chance.